What If

What if is a phrase I find myself saying quite a bit. It’s more powerful than it appears. Because the what ifs in life potentially have the power to hold us back from it. I’ve been a sideline kind of girl for a long time. I didn’t want to play any games or try new things because I was afraid I might mess up and look dumb so I’d say “y’all go ahead, I’ll watch and cheer you on.” I mean what if I messed up? I didn’t like big gatherings because I might get left alone or have no one to talk to. “I’m actually pretty busy tonight, but have a great time.” I mean what if I looked dumb? I didn’t want to go out for a sports team or join many clubs because what if I wasn’t any good? “I’m just not very athletic so I’m not going to try out.” What if I was the worst one there? I have lived in the what ifs for a long time. All the thoughts of what might happen kept me from the potentially good things that could happen. And for a while I was ok with that, I was good living a life of no change. Things were mostly predictable and easy to understand. And then finally, after a long period of self-reflection I asked myself “what if you didn’t worry so much about the what ifs?”

It’s a thought that left me thinking for a long time. I thought about all the times I said no because I was scared and I thought about how those things impacted my life. I used to play Volleyball in middle school. I was on a club team and had good friends I played with. And then one time in the 8th grade I tried out for the school team. And then got cut on the first day because “I was too quiet and probably not meant to play volleyball.” I didn’t tell anyone what the coach had said to me except my mom who I promptly cried my eyes out to. And I thought “what if what she said was true?” And so I quit. I left something that once made me happy because I let people’s opinions of me control my what’s ifs. And sadly, that’s not the last time that would happen.

Last year I got told no to something I’d really hoped I would get a yes to. Definitely not the first or last time that happened or will happen because that’s life, but this particular time felt heavier. It weighed on me all day. It was sometimes all I could think about because I couldn’t understand why I got a no. And I thought what if they’re right? What if I’m not good enough for that? What if I was too quiet? And I lived in that hurt for a long time until eventually I realized those what ifs weren’t true. They were lies. Because eventually I found a quiet confidence inside me and I realized what if I’ve been letting my what ifs control my life? And then I started this blog despite the scary what ifs and well here we are. The world is still turning. I still have great friends and a great family and all the what ifs I was scared of haven’t happened.

So I’m assuming you’ve probably had some what if moments. And I hope that they haven’t held you back like they sometimes do me. But if they do or if they have, I want you to know that’s ok. Because now you know. Now you know that your what ifs don’t control you anymore. And sitting here telling you that all your what ifs won’t ever come true is a lie. Sometimes bad things happen. And so while most likely your scary what ifs won’t ever happen, sometimes they might. But there’s no what if to this next point, just truth. God is on your side. Yep yours. And he’s designed this beautiful life for you. And the best part of all that is, he doesn’t want you to face it alone. He wants you to face it with him. He wants your what ifs and he wants to show you that life is so much more than them.

When I truly accepted this, my what ifs felt less scary and I found myself saying yes to more things. Although there are plenty of things I’m still working on like driving, (oops). But wow, overall it has been so good. So here’s to all the times you let your what ifs control you and all the future times you will. But here’s to a God who loves you so much and who is so much bigger than your worries and doubts. So say yes friends. To all the things you let be consumed in what ifs, break free from them and say yes. And I know what you’re thinking, what if I fail. But more importantly I’d say to you, “What if you don’t?”

All the love, Annie