Letting go of control

Hi friends, it’s been so long since I have sat down and written my thoughts out. This is weird for me because normally I’m writing every day. I took this break from writing rather unintentionally. I think honestly it has taken a while for my mind to process the rate of the changing world. Usually, I use writing as a way to process my thoughts but I think the thought of acknowledging the changes in the world in writing was hard for me because it made them real. I have spent the last couple of months trying to understand and make sense of the ever-changing world. I’ve spent days frustrated, happy, upset, confused, excited, thankful, and even angry. I’d say in the last couple of months we have all felt all the emotions. I wish I had answers, I wish I had cures, I wish I could help the hurting, and fix the pain so many are feeling. But I can’t do that on my own. And I think sometimes that can be a difficult thing to acknowledge. As much as I wish my earthly self could fix everything, the truth is only God can.

I’ve spent a lot of my life balancing the idea of control. As someone with a lot of anxiety, the nerves that come with the unexpected are amplified. I like things to be laid out and tied up in a bow. I don’t like to make waves and would prefer if conflict never happened and everyone got along. However, I think it’s pretty obvious that life is complicated and that perfect image that lingers in my head is not reality. Being a Christian has always helped me cope with that feeling. Although, I have always struggled with the idea of fully giving up the plans I have in my head for my life and putting my full trust in God. This is not because I don’t trust Him, because I wholeheartedly do. The thing is that I’m terrified of letting go and giving the pen to God instead of trying to write my own opinions into the story.

 

Something I’ve learned recently is that it is much easier to say we trust God’s plan than to actually feel that way. It’s easy for me to read a bible verse and say “God I fully trust you.” But when life decides to step out of the box of safety I drew, I tend to forget the proclamations I just made. It hasn’t been until this crazy time we are living in that I realized I was saying I trusted God, but I wasn’t acting on it. I was acting on fear and uncertainty and forgetting the promises that have been made to me. When I’m trying to process this, I keep picturing myself riding a horse and holding on tightly to the reigns. The horse is going fast and I feel like I’ve lost control. This is frustrating because I want to control where the horse goes and how it gets there. The path ahead seems unclear and frightening. But that’s where God comes in. He urges me to let go of my tight grip on the reins and trust that despite how it might look, the horse knows where it’s going. To give up my want to tell the horse where and how it should go, and simply trust that it has a plan.

 

We have to let go of our tight grip on the reins right now, even though that can be really hard. We have to lay down our desire to lead the direction of our lives and instead trust the one who designed it. If I’ve learned anything about that feeling, I’ve learned that it can be terrifying to fully place my trust in God and give up control. Sometimes I want to close my eyes and block out the hard stuff. But that’s not what we were made for. We were made in God’s loving image to spread the gospel and live for and with Jesus. Our earthly desires for our life cannot compare to the plans he has already laid out.

 

I don’t know where you are in your life right now. I don’t know your struggles and feelings. I don’t know what your story looks like. But I do know who wrote it. Because he wrote mine too. Life is tough and confusing right now. Every person is struggling in one way or another. Every plan has been changed and so many things we thought were promised we realized are not. But if I have learned anything over these past couple of months it’s that our plans may not be promised but God’s love is. No matter what changes, God never leaves our side. He is with you in every hard and happy moment.

 

So, take a deep breath and let go of the reins you are so tightly holding on to. Let God reveal to you the plans for your life. It’s going to be hard and we aren’t going to like every part of it. But it is going to be exactly the way He designed it. I am sending the biggest virtual hug to any person reading this and would like everyone to know that I would love to talk if you ever need to. I think we need to lean on kindness and connection in our lives now more than ever. Let yourself feel and grow. I have officially loosened my grip on the reins and am letting the Lord lead the way and to be honest, it’s equal parts terrifying and exciting. The Lord is in control of our lives, so what do we have to fear?

 

All the love, Annie